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| So, long time no update. I don't really use Xanga anymore, if you haven't noticed. Livejournal is more my thing. But, have no fear! You can still add me on MySpace!
Peace, nukkahs. | | |
| Wow... no update in forever.
Mainly, because I don't have anything to SAY. I write and all that comes out is blahhhhhh.
But I will say this; All of my friends are becoming drunken stoners. And I hate it. We took DARE for how many years?! And you're going to go smoke up every fucking day, come to class stoned, and then brag about it? I don't understand. How is getting drunk every weekend appealing? They all preach about how drinking is awesome and how fun it is, but they're the fools. You don't need to drink, smoke, or do drugs to have fun. I think they're HABITS, if anything at all. Oh, sure, all of those make you look omgsookewlzz, but you know what? When you're out in the real world in a shitty apartment scooping together money to fix your coke addiction and drowning your sorrows in alcohol, I'll be successful, rich, and be feeling a sense of accomplishment. And when you're sitting on the street corner begging for money because of your old ways, I'll walk right past and laugh at ya' ass. IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK COOL. NONE OF IT DOES.
I admit, a year or so ago, I had an obsession with this stuff (not TAKING it, just observing it -- WANTING it more than anything). I've had alcohol before, it's nothing special. It makes you look like a fucking idiot to say the least. That's the last thing I want to look like. I've seen what it does to people. I don't want to end up like that.
THINK ABOUT IT! | | |
| Dax's death really struck me hard. I don't even know where to begin, so I won't. Basically, I've been crying on and off all day. I... just can't believe he's gone. I really fucking miss him. I wish I got to know him better. I wish I got to say goodbye, even if it was only a simple "hello, you rocked."
My entry sparked one from Huey, and hopefully will spark her LJ friends. But, really, I wonder what my online friends would do if I died? I don't even want to think about it.
But, as Jerry Seinfeld said, you can't "over-do" things. "See, once something is wet, it's Wet. Same thing with Death. Like, once you die, you're dead. Right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you. You're not gonna die again; you're already dead! Ya can't over die, ya can't over dry!" I'm starting to think that's total bullshit, because you can definitely over cry. I fucking cried until my eyes were so puffy, I tried to hold back tears, but they kept flowing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that 1) I don't make sense, and 2) I fucking miss Dax. I don't think I ever realized how much I cared for him, how much we all cared for him.
I hate this so much. I can't imagine what I'd do if someone I knew in real life died. All I really want is closure. I've already said my goodbyes in my mind, but I'm not emotionally ready to move on. If I may quote myself, this was my final goodbye to Dax: "You were a sweet guy with good intentions and a bright future, and I'm sad I didn't get to know you better. Although I barely knew you, your LJ entries were always full of sarcastic and witty comments and stories, which never failed to make me smile and laugh. You'll go down in my LJ's history as one of the most clever, funny, and amusing people. I don't believe in Heaven, but I think you were Godsend from the moment I added you." I just don't understand why he had to go so young. He was 18. EIGHT-FUCKING-TEEN!
I guess I'm kinda mad at Dax, that he had to kill himself. I want it to be different, but I'm not gonna be selfish about it. I know the people that knew him better feel a lot worse than I do. Still, I can't help but think that maybe him dying was for the better. If he wasn't happy living, maybe he'll be happy dead. He was probably in so much pain, I'm thinking he killed himself to get it over with so he wouldn't have to deal with permanent pain.
Enough of my rambling. Point blank; he was a great fucking guy; witty, charming, smart. I really am grateful for the time that I did have with him, even if it was only a few comments on his journal, or a few comments on mine. I think I'm going to look back at this years from now and tell myself how lucky I was to have met somebody online with that great a personality.
Rest in Peace Daxamien-Nycolio <3 | | |
| - Story Dude. Man.
I met motherfucking Claudio. I'm REALLY happy about that. I told Nora about it and she had an asthma attack, harhar. I'm going to SummerStage August 6th. -excitement- And apparently, Danielle and I are going to see Fall Out Boy October 5th. It's in Rochester 5 hours away but do we care?! NO!
I'm drifting from Marco, it makes me really sad. We had like two weeks of awesome conversation and then I came back from Maryland after 3 days and he's completely different, acting like he doesn't want to talk to me. Likeeeee, tonight, I was talking to him, and he puts his away message up. Really, WTF? Pshhht. Whatever, this is why I'm a lucky fuck to have Toby to talk to. He's my squishie ^_~
Last night I stayed up until 4 AM talking to ADAM of all people and I had one of the best conversations of my life! I seriously miss this kid! Hilarious, maayynneee. He's coming to the park on Thursday, so that should be fun! :D
I hate going to bed early during summer, but I think that's just what I'm about to do. Nobody is online, and if they are then they are idle.
Me and Chris talked about what we wanna do this summer. Weed. Drinking. Booty. Peeing on people's lawns. The whole shabang. Oh, we'll find a way, lovahs. The funny thing is, everybody thinks I don't get ass. I get more than you think I do. And that's why I don't bother telling anybody around here what I do with people, because they'd never believe me.
EVER. | | |
| Update. Woo. Don't give a rats ass.
School is almost over. Sweaterman is leaving. Toby is leaving. Ashley, Alyial, Lay, Autumn, Vicky... Everyone is fucking leaving. Gonna miss Toby the most for sure. Feel my pain, Bitna? Bahhh. I hate the Juniors, er well, now seniors. So fucking cocky and irritating they are. "we kick ass in spirit week every year!" That's the only thing they're good at. Well, THAT and smoking up and partying.
I guess I'm not in much of a good mood right now. It's Sunday, I'm cranky, I'm tired, I'm wearing sunglasses even though I'm inside, Maureene's Sweet 16 was fun, I took ghetto pictures, I hate pop-ups, my eyes hurt, my mom went to Indiana and took her camera and has all the pictures I took on there, SHUT UP SAMM. God.
/end | | |
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